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This game made me so uncomfortable after I was done playing it i had to brush my teeth and go for a two hour long walk in complete silence at 2am its an actual 10/10

if you, a reader in the comments, are wondering if this is worth the time, even by sheer curiousity, please take this as a sign to play and digest this. i promise you will leave with a better understanding of each other.

This is going to be a lengthy comment but I hope I convey what this game made me feel well. (spoilers ahead)

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This game was not what I expected at all, I kinda had an impression/saw what I was getting in for when I saw the reviews and comments, I'm not that bothered by spoilers but man. I may not have felt as extreme emotions as people are saying they experienced playing this game, but it has given me a lot to think and reflect on.

Like many have said, they used to be and are/were Anitas and Sunnys. I feel the same, but despite what Sunny has done, even after the reveal by the end of her "true"/double identity, I couldn't help but feel bad and seen by her and Anita. A lot of times, I grow frustrated with myself now looking back on my younger years where I've been treated like Anita was by Sunny, or when I acted like a Sunny to any Anitas who knew me. I feel like the biggest "evilest" person in the world for not realizing the harm and ultimately how pointless my actions were. I've come to realize lately that I feel like I've tried to regain some sense of control/agency I felt like I never had, if I could smart enough or good enough, it would change who I am for the better. I still fear that I can never change the past and the "me" right now, that truthfully, I've always been a Sunny and I will go on to do what Sunny has done to more people, I'll never be anything more than a Sunny till the day I die. It feels hard to really accept advice to "embrace yourself and your past" cause I feel like I need to punish myself, that I can be "healed" from my true self, it feels like drowning. I'm losing my train of thought lowkey but I really saw myself in everyone. In Anita's conflict with herself (quite literally) and how powerless she is, Sunny's bizarre and black and white thinking even if it's def not to the extremes she's taken, she still reminds me of the person I am capable of becoming. I hope Anita in some way some how is able to accept herself truly, and if somehow, Sunny was able to gain some introspection about herself in another life...

That all aside, I really loved the visuals and the sound design, the lack of music and the isolated sound affects were very affective, the ui was cool too! This is strange but I remember you from when I was into TTCC, I still think back on the fanfic you did back then, it's real cool.

Execellent game, makes me think a lot, sorry for all those words or if I've overshared.

YOWIE!!! really fantastic work here. it’s clear you had something To Say with this work and i think you said it very well. it’s really great to watch this feeling of creeping dread emerge into the horrifying conclusion of this relationship. the most horrible slow boiling of a frog possible. the presentation was also insanely polished, i thought all the different frames and set pieces you had worked really well.

SPOILERS

i was going to start this comment with ‘anita i think we gotta kill this guy’ but uhhh situation Handled. poor anita. though i can’t help but feel some relief for her, too.

i also thought the final conclusion of anita just saying she wants to fucking read some yaoi was hilarious and interesting especially in the context of the jam. of course it was one of sunny’s hangups but it was fascinating that it was the one that it ended on. not sure i have something to Say About It but i am chewing on it.

thank you for sharing! i very much enjoyed it.

This was my introduction to your work and wow I am beyond impressed... it felt so real to me? More than fictional stories usually feel. I think we all know/knew someone kinda like Sunny. The actual insightful and nuanced criticism on the hostility within fandom spaces was also something I've never seen a vn or any story really tackle before. It was kind of a shock to see because I didn't expect it and it's something I've been having a lot of thoughts about for a while. Also idk how to describe it but the entire layout and design of the game was also really unique and made me also interested in the story from the get go. Sorry if this comment wasn't a very cohesive reading experience I was just trying to articulate all of my thoughts at once. Thank you for making this game!

jesus christ. targeted attack on my location. i was taking notes as i played and ended up just writing down a bunch of lines that made me want to crawl out of my skin and writhe around bloody on the floor. "Annie. Hang up. We need to work on Blueberry's route." is now a permanent addition to my lexicon.

(spoilers)

it's tough to write about this game without constantly alluding back to my own life. i'm the same age as anita, and grew up in the same online spaces, had very similar experiences down to the DMs. "*kisses you*" aghhhhhhh wow it's like looking over my own teenage shoulder and feeling the exact same revulsion i did then. 

and, to be honest, i see a lot of my younger self in sunny, especially the way she talks about cartoons, so focused on whether or not something is "good rep", needing to make sure everyone in the room knows her morals and that she is a GOOD PERSON! it feels so completely shameful to admit that. it was almost a relief to see how terrible she became, that i could no longer see my reflection in her.

"you're so gay" and "looking respectfully" were other specific turns of phrase that felt just so. fucking perfect in how they're deployed. my skin was crawling. it was like being in the 2010s again in the absolute most nightmare hell way possible. for most of the game it feels like anita is still stuck there, unable to escape.

i related a lot to anita feeling like she needed to contextualize her trauma to explain why she was drawn to taboo. i remember thinking that way about myself, my art, and my own experiences. she's looking for someone to blame for her own desires when there's nothing wrong with her desire in the first place. but being in the online panopticon also turns your eyes inward, scrutinizing yourself and everything that's ever happened to you as if it's a narrative that can be cleanly dissected. 

i loved how much anita's inner dialogue differed from how she actually expresses herself (up until the end). i could feel her fear of articulating any kind of dissent. i felt the panic and dread of someone not liking you, being mad at you, saying things about you where you can't see them. 

"it was too easy for someone like me to become one."

god. we are all too afraid of ourselves. phenomenal work.

big shoutout to mado for going all in on the promise to shake off content limiters. i recently read bad faith and this captured some of the best parts. squirming discomfort. girls (women) talking past each other, telling each other what they think they want to hear. I (positive) laughed out loud when I saw the first frame of the life cycle wheel because i knew I would have to settle in for the rest of it. the sound design was like…aspirationally disgusting, especially the opening. impeccable design as usual, mado really shines with sprite Poses in addition to expressions and it all works very well together 

SPOILERS ETC 

i also laughed when the concept of “toxic yuri about wholesome yuri” unfolded. direct references to media - awesome. directly pulling from literature- awesome. directly making a media about opinions about media - awesome. 

every chance I get I say “I want to see writing from people’s niche experiences” and this is one of the  hyperspecific drills I’ve been dreaming of. why are so many japanese visual novel greats written with hyper specific locations, weather, net slang, family relations? it doesn’t disturb the game presentation, it adds to it. the designs are just so perfectly a cross between a game design and someone one could meet…more waiter please. or stop here because I feel like I’ve been satisfied (JUST KIDDING!!! WAITER?) 

i smell new england in that lake. 

if i were a bit younger this would have already been a nuclear bomb but I’ll also give this the best praise I can: listing what would have turned this from impressive to a total nuke for me… for ME PERSONALLY OK because I would easily take in more of it (I got consent to write this in public ok)

• room to breathe. i somewhat understand why anita stuck around right away, and there’s no lulling the reader into a false sense of security with this design … well, maybe there is. I could have been distracted by a “hurt girls comfort each other in a cruel world” bent, or by spending some more time with sunny coaxing her into trust, like a scared animal…maybe a sprained ankle, maybe an argument with her parents on the phone, or maybe even just some longer conversations where sunny doubles down on that manipulation tactic where they tell you personal things so that you feel a sense of obligation.
• more of a drip filter on sunny’s internal thoughts, especially at the outset. the face she made while anita was on the phone was fantastic and said more than an essay coul. I’d love to watch her washing the dishes and guess at what she’s thinking. 
• conversely…maybe more time in anita’s head? more time spiraling down the logical puzzle of how to live a life free from sin? more time reading other people’s callout docs…making the cases for and against each thing she feels drawn to…ive never written fanfiction but if i did i’d be in there

nice work brave mado. get some rest. or ride the high whatever i’m not the police. do something nice for yourself! 

oops wrong account. good game 

I just have to say the use of the computer screen in what I think was Anita dissociating was so so so good. This made me feel so many things, and whenever Sunny did anything to Anita, like even at the start, where she was the morality police, I had a gut reaction. Also, the tiny frames of the faces changing in a second, then going back to normal, was so so good. I feel like this VN is soo important, especially right now, because so many people always think everything is black and white, and they never look at the grey areas on why someone would write upsetting fiction. fiction is all about exploring themes, and it should never be censored. It was just such a good game, and it really shows how "the people with the best morals" are not good just because they avoid dark fiction. i could literally go on and on on how much i liked this visual novel augh.

really amazing usage of the word "unsafe". (spoilers ahead)

girl get some non mint toothpaste!!! (this detail was really the cherry on top for her character btw. the viscerality it brings just pushes this VN above & beyond.)

most of all, i love the meta significance of this game as a part of the toxic yuri jam. it documents cultural context of (one reason) why it is so difficult to make 'toxic' works. it shares compelling arguments for toxic yuri's existence throughout---but it feels like it's trying to ground against sunny's conditioning, rather than trying to "win". yknow?

I feel a bit bad about this I don't know if it was intentional but I found a lot of the early parts of this novel to be darkly comedic. Like a toxic yuri vn jam entry about "problematic" media is kinda funny. But it turned suitably gut wrenching by the end.

I have friends with whom I can be fairly open about the fucked up things I like but I also have close friends who I'm terrified of finding out. So that hit close to home.

Also getting flashbanged by Spop as someone who used to be active in that fandom was wild.   

Absolutely upsetting in the ways it reminded me of how I used to behave like Sunny, and cathartic in the ways that I hope that I am not that person anymore. But I know I still have a ways to go in improving myself and trying to be a kinder person, which I think is very much needed in fandom spaces and the internet in general with all the hostility. 

I think it's so easy to be a Sunny, especially since behavior like hers feeds on the hyper-vigilance in online spaces where if u say one wrong thing or support the wrong artist or like the wrong movie/book/game, your reputation and your relationships would be in jeopardy. Anita's line about "I don't want to be unsafe to love" contrasted with Sunny's repeated promises that she'll make Anita a 'normal' person who doesn't "support such nasty things" was so so good. It's so easy to fall into the type of mindset Sunny has where its more important to defend the 'sanctity and morals' of fiction over caring about real people. Its harder to learn how to leave that mindset behind. 

I couldn't fault Anita for not wanting to release the game at the end, because Sunny and her abuse (both the literal and online mistreatment) always lingered. This was an amazing read, thank you so much for sharing this with us!

Finished this in one night. Jesus fucking christ.

I think sometimes about the quote "I want to make the world’s best hamburger, and I want it to give you the world’s best food poisoning, and it’s not a hamburger, it’s your arm."

i was a beta reader on this one, but somehow reading through this in-engine made me feel sick to my stomach all over again. the visuals and audio really elevated just how uncomfortable sunny's closeness was and made real the conversations between anita and her inner self.

there are parts of this that mirror both my own experiences and those of people i know too closely to talk about in a public space. i have known many anitas, and too many sunny's.

anyways without talking about spoilers, i'm glad this vn takes a stand against the most annoying people on earth /hj: people who exclusively consume cartoons made for children and hold every single other piece of media up to that moral standard

thank you for making this - it's so real & it reminds me of my experiences with fandom & people online.

playing this reminded me i hadn't taken my beta blockers yet today that's how anxious it made me. 

That was definitely a powerful visual novel, very thought-provoking and with excellent presentation! I really loved the art and the overall direction! Everything looked great, even the frame of the GUI (oh how I love those!) was amazing! The visual choices made throughout the game to represent various situations were also very well done!

For the story, I was hooked. I won't get into details to avoid spoilers, but I was on the edge of my seat, and I passed through a lot of different emotions: laugh, disgust (especially since the game used one of my personal triggers loooool), fear, apprehension, but ngl, I mostly thought, I was wondering! I never truly got into any fandoms, but I have seen debates about problematic content on the web (and I guess we all were confronted to it with last year's itch censorship...). And personally, I know I'm someone who loves works that handle them with care — not saying that they should avoir violent or horrible scenes, for example, my favourite part of Nabokov's Lolita is the scene in the hotel room, as it is very creepy in an almost oniric way, and I think this approach, this horrible onirism, allows Nabokov to portray the twisted mind of his narrator in a way he couldn't have otherwise. But I guess, for me to enjoy a work tackling such themes, I need to think there is a point, and to feel like it's not feti*********. And yet, for some people, I know it's still a way to gain agency over their trauma etc. to portray in a way that is somehow positive to them, even in a twisted way. So I guess my lukewarm take would be that I don't mind as long as it's confined to specific spaces????????????

But that's not commenting on the story loool, but I guess this tangent proves the game is thought-provoking! For the actual writing, I really enjoy the prose and the fact the two characters had different voices. I enjoyed the portrayal of their dynamics and of the progressive shift, and I think the two characters were handled masterfully — Annie, of course, who really moved me, and Sunny, who was just perfect in her role! I also appreciated the fact the game took time before going into the more horrific stuff, as it allowed to see the characters through more "neutral" lenses before things go south! I also was pleasanty surprised with the fact that we, as players, indeed understand quite quickly the nature of the two characters' relationship (the co-dependency, in particular, was VERY GOOD), and that the game somehow... acknowledges it and doesn't make it a plot twist?? In the end, the moment I thought I was so clever for anticipating a twist was actually just the game letting me know the info without even me realising, which was very impressive writing-wise, I've rarely seen this done!

Long story short, that was an EXCELLENT VN, the kind that makes me happy this jam exists if it allows to explore such themes and dynamics that way! Thanks for making it!!

"I don't want to be unsafe to love."

fucking phenomenal. required reading for anyone who has ever been in fandom.

i have been a sunny, and i have been an anita. this brought me back to anxious teenage skype chats in the 2010s, interrogating freshly-graduated friends if they're aware that the anime boys that they're calling sexy are actually still high schoolers. i remember the childish terror of finding a friend is Into something they Shouldn't Be Into, the sense of betrayal, the sickening feeling that you have to cut them off or risk contaminating yourself. christ alive, what a gut-punch. "sunny... um... it's been seven years" made me laugh out loud.

(spoilers)

it speaks to the quality of the writing that the abuse in this game is less extreme than most TYVNJ entries I've read - and yet - it's easily the most uncomfortable i've been playing any of these games so far. that wet fucking kiss sound effect. ugh. UGH!!!! as an ex girl with a waaaaay-too-friendly girl bestie i felt very seen.

i love that anita's realization of who sunny actually is happens completely offscreen. really smart, effective decision. *everything* in this title is incredibly well-edited and directed. i adored it!

also, rare extremely effective use of renpy bubbles W??!? crazy flex. 

i hope anita gets on testosterone.

this game really reached into my soul and gripped me from start to finish. thank you so much for making it, i can imagine how hard it must've been (as someone with a drive to make similarly heavy art nowadays... oof!!!)

truly amazing game, i feel like this is your best work and i'm gonna be thinking about it for a long time.

i love a girl who's here for the yaoi

This was fucking fantastic, Mado. I felt ill the entire time I was reading - to be clear, that's a positive thing. My experiences are VERY different from Anita's and yours, but I live in constant fear of people like Sunny all the same. I don't feel comfortable being the truest version of myself in public facing places - and hell, even on my private accounts there's still that fear. You captured that feeling of anxiety and unease brilliantly - the sketchiness of the artwork/UI really worked to sell it just as much as the writing did. I think you have a real talent for using the medium of VNs to heighten the strength of your writing, the pieces all work in concert to create something extremely powerful. (The sound design as well, oogh...the nausea was palpable.)

I can imagine this was difficult to work on - thank you for making it. I think work like this is extremely important and I'm glad that there are artists like you making it. Brilliant, horrific work. 

made me sick to my stomach. 10/10

this had me squirming in my seat and fearing for the protagonist's life like nothing else has before. sunny represents such a specific and gut-wrenching kind of abuse—it's hard to go very far in the modern internet without seeing someone saying the exact things she does, exploiting people in the exact same way she does. it's a truly generational sort of trauma that I'm surprised I haven't seen more works remarking on

the story speaking to that while also speaking to the unique pressures and sense of helplessness inherent to being an online creator, with a dash of suburban isolationism in both physical and social capacities, make this into something really, really special!! and the presentation of it, the cinematic pauses and attentiveness to the continuity of physical space, did a lot to immerse me in this lonely house in the middle of the woods.

bug girls forever <3